I'm Broken?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

“Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang”

I’m broken.

and the tears kept falling that i’m racing with my own heart beat.

It hurts, it hurts so much like it will never heal, it hurts, it hurts like the pain will never go, O Allaah it hurts, it hurts like the heart finds no way to beat anymore.

O Allaah, there’s so much pain, O Allaah, help me, ease me, strengthen me, ya Allaah…

____

Yes, my dear, I know it hurts more than words can describe.

But you are not alone, every person goes through this transition, this heartache bears so many forms, colors and stories but all same when it penetrates a person, it goes beyond the soul.

Sometimes Allaah Azza Wa Jall tests us on things we think we will never be able to cope up, but know Allaah Azza Wa Jall never intends for you hardship but ease.

Na’am, it only hurts like that because you were holding a belief that was so strong that you gave into it more than you should have.

You had someone you saw as the moon among the stars, a laugh among the smiles and a bearer of happiness…happiness, a happiness that was not meant for you.

I know, We all understand how much pain losing the person we thought were ours.

O you, whose heart has been crashed, you can keep your tears from us, but please do not keep it from the One Who Truly Loves you, The One Who Loves you more than any man could ever love you, One Who loves you more than your own parents.

Cry to Allaah, please.

Cry to Him, scream if you need to but please let it go, let your heart breathe, do not imprison it with the pain, call out Help, call out Help from the One whom you know will never leave you hanging, nor have left you for even a minute in your life.

You can hide and no one in this world can know that pain you are going through, but you can never hide from Him, He sees and hears and knows everything…

From the pain behind every Alhamdulillaah, I am okay, I will be okay, you are hurting, you have to accept that. It is painful, but see this as a blessing in which Allaah Azza Wa Jall gave you so that you can go run back to Him.

Failure, pain, sorrow, grief, lost all these negative feelings give nothing to a person but a step closer to his betterment. There is pain in every blossoming beauty, to be able to have a potable water, it has to be filtered, it has to go through processes, and so are people. In order to be the best of what we are, we have to go into pain, failure, success everything, but only those who keep faith in Him can survive and pass these tests in flying colors.

Sometimes we ask, how can a person bear so much pain?

Good soul, know that it was destined for you, it was written for you that you walk along this path but not to crash you but to make you better, a process we all go through.

When you are hurt, do not cry on the shoulders of others, but cry in sujood, people can tell you this and that to comfort you, but no words can ever comfort you like how the Words of Allaah Azza Wa Jall in the Qur’an can. People can lie to you to comfort you, but Allaah Azza Wa Jall holds every truth. You feel the pain, because Allaah Azza Wa Jall sends out Mercy for you. Behind every tear is a comfort, a rahma from him.

No one can mend your heart but the One who created it. He has the medicine for everything, Allaah Azza Wa Jall gave even all the warnings, if not, then solution before the problem.

Let me share to you one of my most favorite ayah from the Qur’aan, one that always and will always speak to you;

"O you who believe! Guard your own souls, if you follow (right) guidance, no hurt can come to you from those who stray. The goal of you all is to Allaah: it is He that will show you the truth of all that you do." 5:105

Subhan’Allaah. Yes, you got it, we fell into such depression into such pain because we chose to fall for that. There is no much to say, no need to blame, but right now all you need to do is cry it all out, empty the heart of pain and fill it with the remembrance of Allaah Azza Wa Jall.

Read about the female companions of Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi wassalaam, imagine the pain of Fatimaah Radiyallahu Anha when she lost her father, the pain of Khansa Radiyallahu Anha when she lost three of his sons in jihad, the pain of Umm Salamah Radiyallahu Anha after the death of her husband, the pain of Saffiyah Bint Abdul Muttalib Radiyallahu Anha when she saw the body of her brother, Hamza Radiyallahu Anhu, slaughtered, or the pain of Zainab Radiyallahu Anha being separated from her husband.

Is your pain even near to the pain they had?

But these women, death, lost, heartache didn’t destroy them, but rather made them blossomed to become among the greatest women that ever walked in the fold of Islaam. Subhan’Allaah. These great women, no words can really described how beautiful they were, let us see them as the role models, let us learn from their sufferings, their struggles, how they were so patient in handling situations.

When Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam lost Khadija Radiyallahu Anha he was in so much pain that only through seeing Allaah Azza Wa Jall became its remedy. Even he went through it, but He had Him and Allaah Azza Wa Jall is everything, He is everything we have. Wallahi, do not lose Allaah Azza Wa Jall, forsake everything but not Him. If you lose Him, you lose everything.

Stay strong, stay strong, you are still breathing, you are still breathing, Alhamdulillaah. Alhamdulillaah. Alhamdulillaah. For every beat of your heart there is a rahma from Allaah Azza Wa Jall, so what is stopping you from repenting?

Here we are, we came to the edge of everything, when He has given all the chances before this heartache can come, do not let everything fade before you come back to Him.

This heartache will not break you, it will make you stronger, believe in Allaah Azza Wa Jall for He says He doesn’t burden the soul of something in which it cannot bear.

This is another ticket back to Allaah Azza Wa Jall, so get it, ride and come back to Him. First few days will hurt because you are human, you feel pain, you struggle, but do not let it bring you down.

Allaah Azza Wa Jall says in a Hadith Qudsi: “Neither My Earth nor My Heavens can contain Me, but the heart of a Believing Servant, can.”

In another tradition, Allah says, “I am the Greatest, None is Greater than I! The Earth and Heavens cannot contain me (they were created as simple creatures without the capacity to contain the Maqam of Allah), so I granted upon human beings, the Heart (Qalb); it is but the size of a fist, you may see that the heart is so small, physically, but that physical heart is a symbolic creation representing the real Qalb that I have granted to My Deputies, no one understands about that real Heart, for that Heart of a Believing Servant can contain Me.”

Subhan’Allaah. Yes, a heart of a believer has a capacity that has no limitations, unlimited, Alhamdulillaah.

So do yourself a favor and heal your heart by crying in your sujood.

Always remember, Allaah Azza Wa Jall loves you.
_____

And we pray that through our heartaches, our failures and all the endeavors we face we find His Guidance hovering upon us, that in His Mercy we also find the ease that we need in our hearts and that He grants us a mind and a heart that sees what is good in every situation so that we can bear every problem and trial with patience and tolerance along with our undying faith in Him.

Amin

You're not Broken :')

Surat buat hawa :)

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

“Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang”

Assalaamualaikum, saya minta maaf. Dah lama saya termenung, fikir pasal surat ni.

itu mungkin cerita awak sebagai perempuan. Tapi percayalah, tak semua lelaki yang suka ajak perempuan buat maksiat. 

Sejak dari sekolah, saya memang pelik, kenapa orang kata mendekati zina itu haram. Bukannya berzina lagi dah berdosa juga. hmm. Malas nak fikir panjang-panjang. saya kan sekolah lagi.. Tapi masa saya di sekolah, boleh kata saya kira baik la. Saya tak hisap rokok, sebab saya tahu mende tu tak bagi faedah pun. Tapi saya bukannya skema, pernah jugak ponteng kelas sekali dua. Biasa-biasa je. hehe

Tapi,, sejak saya masuk U, saya tengok pergaulan bebas antara lelaki dengan perempuan, memang sangat ketara. Ye la, kat sini ikut suka hati kita nak buat apa. Tak macam kat sekolah, nak jumpa awek pun sorok sorok kat belakang stor dekat padang takut warden nampak. Tapi tu dulu, sekarang saya dah dekat U.

Hmm, saya tengok ramai perempuan tak pakai tudung. Ada yang pakai tudung, ok la. Tapi baju pula hmm, seluar pulak alamakkk. Ada juga baju dah labuh, seluar dah longgar, tapi tudung pulak tak tutup dada, Nampak segala apa yang kami kaum lelaki ni takde.

Aduii, camne nak jaga iman ni?? tapi saya still control lagi, saya still ingat Allah larang kita dekat dengan zina.

Sampai lah satu hari, ada sorang perempuan cakap yang dia suka saya. Dia cantik, pakai tudung dan dia ni baik juga. :) Zaman sekarang ni, perempuan makin berani tunjuk tunjuk hint. Mula mula just nak kawan, sms nak share masalah. kalau pegi shopping atau holiday mana mana, mesti dia ada beli something kat saya. Mula mula saya tak layan sangat jugak. Sebab takut 'terbagi' harapan kat orang perempuan ni. Mereka (perempuan) mudah sangat perasan. Layan sikit, terus ingat kita suka dia. Perempuan ~~

Lama-lama, dia dah berani call saya. dengan suara perempuan yang memang lembut mendayu-dayu, naik luruh jantung saya dengar. Dia mintak tolong saya belikan set kfc zinger burger. Aduii. Banyak kali saya fikir nak beli ke tak. Puas saya cari alasan. Saya tak nak timbul fitnah. Tapi bila dia cakap dia gastrik, hati saya mula timbul kesian. Saya beli makanan dan bagi kat dia. Mula-mula memang asalnya kesian je, tapi lama-lama saya rasa best pulak. Ada orang nak msg saya, kejutkan solat subuh, ada orang nak dengar masalah saya, ada orang nak bagi hadiah pada saya, tambah-tambah kawan-kawan kat kolej saya ni, memang majoriti ada 'girlfren'. Kira macam saya bertuah sangat-sangat. Saya tak cari girlfren pun dah ada orang sayang saya! eh, syoook la pulakk. :)) kau ada?? xde kan.

Satu hari tu, kami keluar berdua dekat satu tempat ni. nak lintas jalan, dia dah ada kat depan.Tiba-tiba ada kereta lalu laju kat jalan tu. Spontan saya tarik tangan dia. Zaaapppp! Saya rasa berdebar-debar.rasa terkejut pun ada. Tapi niat saya nak selamatkan dia je. Yang paling buat saya lagi terkejut, dia senyum. Entah. Tak faham apa dia fikir. 'Dia tak marah ke aku pegang tangan dia?' Hati saya pelik. Dia senyum lagii dan kata 'Awak, terima kasih. Sayang Awak!' Saya senyum juga. Malas nak fikir panjang-panjang. Ohh, seronoknya. Lembutnya tangan diaaaaaa.. Rasa nak pegang lagi. 'haa, gatal-gatal!' akal saya marah. tapi hati saya nak. Dan jujurnya, saya makin lama, makin rasa sayang pada dia. Tak boleh kalau tak 'ber-sms', tak pernah tak call even cakap selama satu minit. Yela, Bila hati dah rindu, bila hati dah sayang, bila hati dah penuh dengan 'nafsu'. Errrrrr.

*********************************************************************************************************

Nafsu?

Saya suka dia sebab nafsu ke?
Saya cinta dia sebab nafsu ke?
'Tak! kan saya nak ambil dia jadi isteri saya nanti!'
Hati saya marah.
'Awak pasti ke nak ambil dia jadi isteri?'
Entah dari mana suara tu datang,
Bunyi seakan-akan mengejek.
Entah,
Tak tahu apa yang saya fikir time tu.
Macam-macam perasaan,
Tapi saya buat tak tahu.
Biar dalam hati saya rasa macam,
'eh-betul-ke-apa-yang-aku-buat-ni?'
Saya dan dia dah ter'couple'.
Nak buat macam mana,
Best la ada couple ni.
Kawan-kawan selalu puji,
Dia cantik even pakai tudung.
Tapi styloo, bergaya kot..
Tambah-tambah dengan fesyen sekarang.
Siapa yang tak kembang semangkuk? eh.
Please, sama-sama jaga diri..

Satu hari tu,
Saya jumpa video ni.
Video hilal asyraf.
tentang cinta.
cinta yang hakiki.
terpukul.
terpana.
terasa.
Semua ada.
saya cinta dia.
Tapi, kenapa saya makin bawa dia ke neraka?
Astaghfirullah.
Kalau betul saya cinta,
Saya mesti nak bawa dia ke syurga.
Tapi, situasi saya?
Saya terpaksa mengaku,
Saya kalah dengan nafsu.
Saya sebenarnya,
... Ikut nafsu.

Sepanjang hari, lepas saya tengok video tu, saya diam. Kawan ajak main bole, saya bagi alasan. Member ajak lepak kat mamak, Saya tolak. Saya nak sendiri. Hp saya letak tepi. Tekan punat off. Saya malu. Saya dah tak sanggup. Saya dah malu sangat-sangat depan Allah. Saya still solat. Saya kadang-kadang mengaji, Tapii.. Saya buat maksiat jugak. Saya makin lalai. Endah tak endah tentang dosa. Saya rasa.. Saya dah tahu kenapa Allah tak bagi dekati zina. Sebab nanti end up, jadi macam saya. Dari sms, lepas tu call, dengar suara, rasa nak jumpa, bila dah terpegang tangan sekali, rasa nak pegang banyak kali. Semua tu NAFSU!!!

Banyaknya dosa saya. :'(
Allah, Allah, Allah.
Saya bangun, ambik wudhu, Solat sunat 2 rakaat. Saya mintak sangat-sangat.
'Allah ampunkan dosa-dosa saya, Allah ampunkan dosa-dosa kita' Dan air mata jantan saya mengalir laju..

Bila dah tenang sikit, saya 'text' dia.
'Awak, this is not the right way. This is not the way that Allah bless. I let you go, and please let me go. I dont want to bring you to Jahannam, Instead I'll pray for you to get the light from Allah. May Allah bless you and me..' 

Dan saya terus matikan hp. Buat kali kedua, saya sedar. Susah. Tapi saya bergantung sepenuhnya pada Allah. Sebab Allah yang pegang hati saya, pegang hati dia. Saya tak nak berpaling lagi. Dan untuk Hawa semuanya, jangan terlalu murah, jangan ambik kesempatan dengan kelemahan lelaki, awak buat suara mendayu macam tu, sembur perfume wangi, pakai blouse, skirt, selendang ala-ala hot gitu, dah namanya Lelaki, Kuat mana Imannya pasti akan tergoda jugak. Jadi,Kena sama-sama jaga diri. Simpan godaan-godaan tu pada orang yang teristimewa kelak. :)

Dan sekarang, saya terus begini, Mujahadah.
Doa saya terus kuat.
Doa supaya dia faham,
Doa kita sama-sama dalam redhaNya. Insya-Allah. :)

Salam alaik? Hehe. Ana tak tau, karya ni siapa punya. Tapi, serius. Cerita ni betul-betul terkena dalam hati. Tersentap, terasa. Kita, Perempuan. Ayuh, mahalkan diri kita. :') Jangan jadi murah sangat. "Perempuan yang baik untuk laki-laki yang baik" Begitu juga sebaliknya. Jom, kita persiapkan diri kita. First thing first!! Buat Adam, 'Jangan diganggu Mawar Berduri' Kami ada wali, kalau mahu menyunting, Jumpa wali kami :). 

Put your trust in Allah. :)

Cinta High Class

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

“Dengan menyebut nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang” 

Cinta Tanpa Noda

Tak mampu kudustai rasa ini,

Cukuplah dengan pertautan hati,

Belum masanya berhubung saban hari,

Awasi hati dan anggota, takutkan Ilahi.

Aduh!

Beratnya menggalas perasaan cinta,

tatkala pacaran menjadi budaya,

Mujurlah wahyu menunjuk cara,

Jangan diikutkan sebahagian besar manusia.

(Surah al-An'am 6: 116)

Cintaku buan cinta murahan,

Jati diri benteng pertahanan,

Cabaran Komunikasi kutundukkan,

Mengawal hati formula kekuatan,

Kuberazam pada diri,

Kuingin mahligai kasihku berdiri,

Tanpa kenangan cinta yang dicemari,

Tanpa noda kemurkaan Ilahi.

Kuingin hadiahkan cinta suci,

Buat pasangan yang kunikahi,

Dengan Allah sebagai juri,

Bukan nilaian nafsu sendiri. 

** Jom, jaga cinta hanya untuk yang halal :') Buat akhawat di luar sana, anda 'Limited Edition' yang hanya mampu dimiliki orang yang benar-benar layak. :)